MY LIFE, MY DESTINY

For a long time now, I've been thinking...pondering over this thing called "Purpose". It seems to be all I think about. It stays in my head all day long. It's the same thing I keep thinking about. I've been thinking a lot about my life just like virtually every other. Ruminating what I was created to be, what I am meant to do, what lies ahead for me, what great thing I'm gonna live my life upon and die upon, what battle I will fight until my last breath, how I'm gonna benefit others tremendously from the gifts that Allah has bestowed on me. My life. My destiny. My fate. My legacy. My footprints. My Ending. My return to Allah. I keep thinking about it all.

There are so many amazing and great people who have lived and gone. They died, but left undying legacies behind. Even long after their death, they are still remembered for the good (righteous) works they have done, and the countless lives they have touched. In my today, I still see them scattered about doing the same thing. Beautiful people living quality lives of Truth, doing great & noble things with their lives. Touching hearts, inspiring souls, towards Allah, towards fulfillment, towards betterment. They live quality lives. And make beautiful impacts in lives. Only for Allah. And they are being deeply appreciated by those who encounter them. I see them. I love them. I wanna live such quality life too. This leads me to constantly ask myself:

- What legacy do I wanna leave behind after my death?
- Would I have maximized all the gifts Allah has bestowed on me, using them in several ways that pleases Him?
- What would I be remembered for?
- How many souls would be making heartfelt duas for me long after I am gone?
- What difference do I wanna make in the lives of those who encounter me?
- How will my Ending be?

So many questions prickling my little mind. The task seems enormous.
There seems to be so much in my head that I wanna do/achieve, yet I don't even know how to make it into reality. It's like I'm stuck in my complacency, stuck in ignominy, yet don't know how to come out. My life - I know I was created for something noble. I know I am gifted and very blessed. I know the world needs certain things I'm proficient at. I know I could make an impact in any little way I can. But I'm stuck. 

I know that the purpose of creation is none other than to worship Allah. Hence that is the sole purpose of my existence. Our existence. And I've been trying my best in that regard. But then, we are all gifted, aren't we? So am I. I know there is a great destiny ahead of me. I know there is a whole lot I could achieve, a whole lot I could do, a whole lot I could be. Yes but I'm stuck. And I dunno how to come out. They say I am brilliant. She said I will shine. But I dunno how to rise. Like a part of me is stuck in oblivion and I fear I may forever be like that till I die. Yet I know that I have to rise. I have to share my blessings. I have to reach out and come out. I have to do something. Anything. Anything to reveal my essence, my core. To lead me to that great destiny.

And what destiny am I talking about? Fame? Fortune? Glory of the dunya? I think nothing about all of that. I feel something tremendous deep within me. A cry waiting to be heard. A strength waiting to be felt. A story waiting to be told. A strong voice waiting to speak. It's like a beautiful giant waiting to unleash. I cannot explain it. It's deep within me. This destiny - it's not about the fame, name or fortune...worldly glories. It's about my essence - what I am meant to be. Fulfiling the purpose for the blessings I've been given. Knowing deep within me that I am doing/living what I was created for. I am living for Allah and making the best use of all He has bestowed on me. Knowing that when it's time to return to Him, all I'd feel is PEACE. Because I lived that life. I fulfilled my mission, my destiny. I did noble things with my life. I lived for Him and only Him in every way. But right now, I know I have not maximized my deepest potentials. I know there is a lot to be done. I calculate all in my head. But I'm lost. I dunno how to come out. It's serious hardwork.

I've lived almost all my life being unknown. Like invisible. And I've been far away from the world. Yet this isn't about anyone knowing me, is it? It's about me living the very core truth about why I was made.

I keep having this fear within me. What if death comes for me before I even get the chance to do anything? Scary! I know I keep wasting time. But little steps everyday. Sincerely I dont know what is to come tomorrow. Of course no one knows. Yet my life, it's for Allah. Only Allah. That's how the life of a Muslim should be. Guess I should keep taking my little steps everyday, knowing I did something better than yesterday. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. But I pray to return to my Lord with deep tranquility in my heart and a peaceful smile on my face. That's my goal. So remembering this, I'll do whatever I can. It's not gonna happen overnight. Slowly. Slowly. I will reach my dream. I pray He never take my soul before then.