SOUL-SEARCHING

I am nothing but a soul
Seeking the innermost peace
Despite the passing of ages,
My true self remains the same
Small, quiet, inhibitive
Yet fierce and forceful
Like a molten magma about to explode
Outwardly I am weak and ordinary
Inwardly I feel like a bird
Yearning for beyond the skies
Striving for peace, beauty, light, purity, vast space
Pleasure of the One Who made me
Having a pure soul is not an easy task
I hope to be one of them.

As for the passings of this world,
How do I make the best of my stay here?
Life is short
What if my departure is near?
What have I sent forth?
What have I built?
What impact have I made?
What lives have I touched?
What legacy am I leaving behind?
What wealth have I truly?
How does my soul look like?
Is it beautiful or ugh....?
Time keeps moving?
What am I doing?

Lone stranger walking her Journey
More concerned about the quality of her soul
Than the quality of the material things she's got
Constantly asking: "Are You pleased with me Lord?"
Striving to be among the best,
Her inherent weaknesses keep overcoming her
Depressed she feels
She forgets that it's not about perfection
But progress
She believes herself to be weak
While being strong and even fierce
Is what the heroes with her name have been

She keeps pondering over life as a Journey
Loving everything that speaks of beauty, light, purity,
Vastness of space, and a deep inner peace
She wonders what she is in Allah's Sight
She wonders how much she has achieved with her life
She doesn't live the big life
She lives the quiet, ordinary, seclusive life
She wonders if she has lived her life to the fullest
In truly serving her Lord, Allah
Deep inside she feels there is more to be done
Even though cannot figure out what or how
Does it have to be so loud that her praises is sung?
No! No loudness! Just quietness.
Leave her little impacts in the world quietly
She hopes she is known and loved by all in the heavens.

WHO AM I?----The Search For Self

"Who am I?" - a question that virtually everyone asks themselves on regular basis. Sometimes the constant changes of events that happen in our lives make us forget ourselves after we had tried to define who we are. Things happen so fast and you suddenly can't find or feel yourself anymore. Life feels monotonous and there is no zeal to do anything.These times, you find yourself trapped and alone, living only like a walking corpse. But later on something happens and you try to reflect deeply, reconnecting with your number one source of strength and you begin to remember your core identity and purpose. Then suddenly you feel alive again, and life feels meaningful again. But until you realize your purpose and find the strength to live it, life will always be meaningless and you will become one of the zombies or robots in life. Aimless!

I constantly wonder about who I am and what my purpose is. Of course generally we are all created to serve Allah, but through what will I serve Him? I realize of course, it is through nothing but what He has given to me. I look at the big world around me. I see people like me doing extraordinary things everyday with their lives. Making great impacts in the lives of others, making it big. Then I look into my own self and feel nothing but smallness and inadequacies. Why does it always seem like everyone else is better that me?


Comparing myself and my life with others is something I have always done way back since I ever knew my name, but of course everyone knows that this is the number one key to failure and depression. It hinders growth and self confidence. Naturally I am someone who has great insights towards the beauty in others. I so easily spot the good and amazing traits in people that I just naturally love them for it. But simultaneously, in the course of doing that with others, I find myself belittling myself and seeing more reasons why I am lesser than them. So the more I appreciate the beauty in others, the more I condemn my own self and become negative and critical of myself. So its like me feeling inadequate and seeing myself worth less/nothing of anyone's while, simply because I am not like them or I haven't achieved as much as them. Of course, we all know that this will only bring me an unhappy life. I am sure there are so many out there like me. So I am writing to us all as we all agree that this is the leading factor contributing to depression and lesser/no productivity in life.

Since it is a fact that we can only serve Allah through what he has given us or bestowed on us through this journey of life, then how can we succeed if we constantly compare ourselves with others? Allah gave them what they have as they have their own journey to travel, just as He has given you what you have necessary for your own journey too. The events happening in our lives are different, so we are all gifted differently. So why would you judge your self worth based on other people's lives or gifts?

Also, everyone being gifted differently implies that we will all give account of how we used our gifts/blessings. Did you use yours in a way that pleases Him or not? Did you recognise and accept these gifts or you denied and rejected? Do you not know that there is a purpose for what He has given you just as there is purpose for what He gave others? So why waste your precious gifts/blessings in the process of gazing at others'? The best way to find happiness and peace is to look within yourself and tap into your deepest core to discover the treasures in you, hidden and apparent. Everything you've got even if it seems not much is SOMETHING. And they are exactly what you need at this point of your journey. So why not make the best use of your own gifts? Because in the ultimate end, you will account for how you spent all that's been bestowed on you. Will you by then be happy to have wasted it all while you thought they were worthless because you were busy long-throating for others'? Will that really buy you eternal success? Of course not!

So basically, look into your own self, and recognise all you have been blessed with. This is how you will be able to figure out who you really are and the many things that uniquely differentiate you from others. You'll know that others may be as amazing as they are, but it doesn't mean you aren't special too. It doesn't mean you have no purpose too. In fact you'll realize even more that this life really isn't a competition. You have no interest in competing with others or trying to be better than them. You are only interested in living your truest purpose and being better everyday in attaining it. So your life is centred around purpose and fulfilment, truthfulness in being your real self, rather than in trying to compete, impress or brag about piled up glittering riches to people. ITS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR JOURNEY! Its about your self actualization! Be you!


I wrote down a short reflection months ago, and it truly helps me and reminds me how its such a waste of time comparing myself with others. And it reminds me of the refreshing feeling I get whenever I stop focusing on others and their attractive lives, and instead focus on my own self, my journey, my betterment, my peace, my fulfilment, my potentials. It really is refreshing, wallahi!

When you stop following the shadows of others, you'll be able to breathe in the freshness of your own life again, walk your own path, discover your own happiness, and free yourself to soar into the highest horizons. Be you!

So this brings me back to the question- "who am I?". Only when we stop following other people's shadows will we truly be able to answer this question of who we really are. This I try to always remember.